The Elmyra Incident Files
by Billybobjoe47s
Summary: Can Elmyra (True name Vivian Vin) and Montana Max (True name Maximilian Krueger) beat life in a city full of prejudice, and with the odds stacked against them? And just who is the mysterious personage watching from the shadows, and what part does he play?
1. All is Not As it Seems

The Elmyra Incident Files

Disclaimer: Tiny Toon Adventures and all characters and locations thereof are copyright 1990 Warner Bros.

_A/N: Welcome! This is the first chapter of a cooperative story with fellow author Marytana, so updates may be sporadic. Check out my other stories!_

_So enjoy!_

Dec. 5, 1997

/

WARNING: While sections of this material, (interviews, extrapolation, pictures, video, events, and classified knowledge contained within this file and compact discs) are available to the public, much of this document is Level-5 classified, and may only be shown to government officials within the Bureau of Humanoid-Animaloid Relations, Homeland Security, the office of the Mayor of Acme Acres, heads of departments, the Cabinet, the Vice-President, and the President of the Toonited States.

/

A certain figure was outside of the Le Trendy Desertary, watching kids and kids at heart stuff their faces with sweets, and, for the furry ones, living in fear of Acme Acres' Redheaded Horror. The figure noticed her reflection in the window and let out an exasperated groan. She had never wanted any sort of role as an antagonist; quite the opposite actually.

She HATED her role on the show, there was no doubt. But what really grinded her gears was that she didn't even choose the role herself, not by a long shot. She held off any thought of the past for a brief moment, and then sat herself down on the cold ground. See, the problem was that the writers had forced her into the role without her permission. And if a toon's purpose was to make an audience laugh, what where they laughing at her for? Her ever- constant failures?

It wasn't like the higher ups behind the show did not listen to the star's ideas. There was an episode staring only her, which she loved. But not even a 3-short carp-tastic extravaganza wasn't enough to get the cameras off her victims and on to her. And when Buster and Babs INSISTED they should have at least a cameo because THEY are the stars of the show and Elmyra was JUST a simple villain…

Elmyra got up to her feet and talked out all of the negative thoughts from her head. She was here because she had someone to meet there. Someone who was watching his fortune slowly escape from under his hat. Someone who was just as unhappy of his role in the show as she was. And someone…

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…whose life was haunting him much the same way as hers was.

"_I hate this job. I hate this job. I hate this job. I hate this…"_

"Hey, baby."

The sound of that familiar voice startled Montana Max out of his deep train of thought and made him smile. While his on screen relationship with Elmyra was a bit…rocky, to say the least, Vivian Vin was, without a doubt, the apple of his eye.

"Monty, are you…happy with your job?" Vin asked with a tinge of concern. "You should be. Your parents need all the help they can get with paying the bills."

Bills. That word stood out above all the rest for Max. "Far from it," came Max's surprisingly calm reply as he looked out from behind the cash register. "I never had to take Weenie jobs at all before this mess happened…"

Elmyra sat herself down as she was listing to their conversation ready to eat her usual treat and, as she could tell from the way everyone was staring her down, be the butt of everyone jokes.

How long would this be going on? Forever?

/

_Acme Acres._

A framed aerial photo of Acmes Acres, one that many would recognize from the intro, is seen sitting alone.

_Best known as the site of the once-famous show Tiny Toon Adventures,_

The camera pans over to an old, faded, and well used album on a pedestal.

T_his city is now out of the limelight._

A gust of wind blows the album open revealing its contents, various photos of the entire cast, on set and off, laughing and enjoying stardom.

_ However, business continues as usual, with those who were once stars still trying to regain their fame._

Some actors, however, don't want their fame back. Misguided, based off of characters that weren't them, they strive to live a normal life like the thousands of other normal people residing in the city.

The album blows to a picture of the entire cast having a party at Weenie Burgers, and all having a great time. All except two.

But, by an old grudge, a miscommunication, and some looney coincidences, all will be remembered in this city.

Not as cartoon characters however, but as people who really made a difference. As heroes. Villains. Geniuses. Millionaires.

But our story starts with two humans, both polar opposites of what all remember them as. A girl portrayed as an empty-headed futz, but who was really a thoughtful, caring person. A cruel millionaire, in reality a humble, kind young boy with a suspicious lack of money. This is their story. This is the story… of real life in Acme Acres.

/

As Tiny Toon Adventures had been off air for several years now, Vivian had outgrown the odd looks that her family was cursed with, her orange hair now long and flowing.

Maximilian Krueger, meanwhile, had managed to save up enough money through scrounging and scraping to get his teeth fixed, his head no longer largely out of portion with his now-grown body.

But the stigma, of villains, of idiots, remained, no matter how much they changed their looks.

They had both come to Acme Acres looking for fame and fortune—and found it, in some measure, but in all the wrong ways. And once the show ended, they hadn't enough money to leave—Maximilian because his family back home, still with 6 children in the house, needed money for rent and food, and Vivian because almost none would hire her in a city with as many animaloid toons as humans.

Thus, barely able to keep food in their closets and clothes on their backs, the two toons struggled to even the odds in a city where old views and prejudices hung on them like weights and blocked their every step.

"So is the date for Friday still on?" Vivian blinked and shook her head sadly. "Sorry, Max, but my dryer died last night, so I'll be working overtime for the next few weeks trying to get enough money to buy a new one."

Her hand was intercepted as she drew it away from the table, her short lunch break almost done. "Make that one week, I'll be working overtime for that too."

She shook her head again. "Max, you shouldn't." She was silenced with a kiss. "No, this is what friends do, Viv. I'm helping, and you don't have a say. Remember when I got a leak in the water main and you worked overtime with me so that I could pay a plumber and get the damage fixed?"

Vivian laughed. "Yeah, and then your house smelled like dog for a week! Sometimes being a dog has is disadvantages, especially when you're also a plumber!"

Max wrinkled his nose. "Don't remind me. I spent over half the money on scented candles, not on the actual plumber!"

Vivian's watch beeped, a soft sound nonetheless putting a gulf between them. "See you tomorrow, Max! I gotta start heading back or I'll be late, and you know what Old Lady—I mean, Head Librarian Williams would do if I was late."

Max waved as she turned away and then silently sighed as this meant he needed to serve more customers, get more insults, and make minimum wage for another 5 hours. He turned back to the customer line, and with a forced smile, said, "I can help the next person! Welcome to Weenie Burger, ma'am, what would you like to order?"

/


	2. The Man in Black

****_A/N: Here's chapter two, where the Man in Black makes his appearance. (And no, he's not Wesley. That would be shameful.)_

_Enjoy, Billybobjoe47s_

**Section 2**

Dec 7th, 1997

It was an unusually dark night in Acme Acres, for the sun had gone down earlier than anticipated, and although it was only 6:00 PM, the night was as black as it would be at midnight. In this darkness, a man hung from a ledge. This was not altogether a strange activity, but the man was dressed all in black, the only thing detracting from the darkness being two green goggles, worn over his eyes.

The man was watching, spying if you will. The object of his attention, an attractive young girl, was currently walking the streets, far below him. He had watched many times, and this was always the route the girl took. A corner of his mask wrinkled, as he thought laughingly how many people had died because of routine. Routine was the third most dangerous thing on Earth, after old age… and him.

This was no idle bragging thought. He knew this fact, knew it from the panic he had caused and the lives he had snuffed. They lay in graphs, in files and tables, back at his rented room. It was a testament to his effectiveness, a resume for all those who wished to hire him. But now, he was not killing. Merely watching….. for now.

The girl got into her car, an old sedan, scratched and dented, and drove away, and the man in black turned and proceeded to climb to the rooftop, his mission complete for the night. He had other cases to complete, and other missions to resolve.

But he would be back, watching the next night. He would continue until his plan was perfect, until there was no chance of failure. That was how he worked. That was why he was so deadly.

/

On the selfsame night, in a brightly lit rabbit hole on the outskirts of Acme Acres, a meeting was underway. The participants of this meeting were all familiar: all the stars of the canceled show Tiny Toon Adventures were there.

However, the meeting was not getting much done. Instead, the meeting had devolved into a social before it had even begun to start. This fact was frustrating to the two people that had called this meeting together.

Buster and Babs Bunny (Now related) sat down at their table and sighed as the social remained in full swing. Nothing seemed to work to start the meeting—treats, pleading, bribes—nothing. Finally, the pink-furred member of the duo had enough, and she yelled, "ALRIGHT, EVERYONE SIT DOWN!"

The room immediately quieted, and all hastened to their seats: Babs was known for her fiery temper and deadly wrath. As the last member of the cast sat, she cleared her throat, and said demurely, "Thank you."

Buster stood as Babs sat down and announced, "I've called you all together for an important problem. Hampton here," indicating the smiling pig, "Overheard a conversation while inspecting the mall for health issues, that the two cast members not here, Montana Max and Elmyra Duff, are experiencing financial issues, and we all know why." He shook his head sadly. "They're villains, or at least are known as villains, so no one will hire them, especially Elmyra; you know why." They all shuddered at the thought of her embraces.

"Anyway, no matter how villainous they are, they're cast, and we look out for each other. You know that. I propose that we raise money to give to Monty and Elmyra to help them out."

A series of uncomfortable mumblings were heard, and Buster sighed exasperatedly. "Look, Hampton, who was it that came and cleaned out your house after that Muck Monster got into it?"

He said softly, "The cast."

He turned to Fifi. "Who took you in while you were getting your modeling career up and running?"

She said, "Zhe cast."

Buster turned to Babs, who had also tentatively made a noise of 'maybe.' "And who was it that gave us recommendations so that our manager gave us our first shot at stand-up?"

She turned her eyes down. "The cast."

"Well, if we always have helped each other in the past, why are we so hesitant to help others?" Buster said. "Shouldn't we always help each other?"

The others nodded, conviction given by his expounded examples.

"Well, then, get all the spare money you can get together, and bring it to us in one week. We'll surprise them with it on next Friday."

A chorus of "Okays" sounded, and Buster nodded, satisfied. "All right, meeting's over."

As they dispersed, Babs hugged Buster. "I'm glad you had the courage to do the right thing, because I sure didn't."

Buster smiled. "Me too."

/

However, not all the toons had left for their homes to enjoy a Thursday evening. Shirley the Loon stood outside, looking at the city. She sighed. She had felt bad vibes, evil vibes, coming from somewhere in the city, and that disturbed her. Evil shouldn't be here, in Toonity. This was the land where comedy ruled, after all! And yet, it was there. More malevolent and more purposeful than she had ever felt.

As she walked home, she thought of ways to divert the storm she knew was coming. Unfortunately, none came to mind. This wasn't the show, where there were scripts and the good guys always won. This was real life, where evil had the upper hand all too often.

/

Little did she know, the malevolent evil was watching her even as she stood and pondered it. The man in black smirked. He had traced the meeting here after reading the intercepted message with one of the keywords in it. He had planted cameras within the home, and he had seen the whole meeting.

As he stood afar off, he mused that, this wouldn't do. No, the plan would have to be accelerated before the target left and disappeared. That would reduce the chance of success, but it was the priced that needed to be paid to accomplish his mission before it was all ruined.

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	3. An Unexpected (And Unwanted) Meeting

_A/N: Here's chapter 3, longer than the first two chapters together! Hopefully, this trend will continue through the entirety of the series. And keep in mind that this is a co-op, so this isn't soley on me if I update slowly._

_Enjoy the Insanity!_

Section 3

**Acme Acres, TSA**

"*crackle* We've gathered together tonight*crackle* for an important problem."

On the roof of the now abandoned house that had served as "Elmyra Duff's" home for 3 overbearing years, a group of certain former cartoon "bit players" were watching the meeting on a decrepit but oddly still functional TV set. A few of them had their notepads out, ready to take notes.

And one of them was ready to take it in with stride.

"Ha! Like Krueger and Vivian would ever be that HOPELESS about their future….." she muttered to herself. She shook off that train of thought as she went to the real purpose of the meeting: a crumpled invitation within her Hammerspace. As she took it out, she reread it.

You, Mary Melody

Are wonderfully invited

To the happiest

WB/Disney relations social

ON EARTH

Hosted by

Winnie the Pooh

And friends

On board the

SS. Acre Woods

Near the Acme Acres

Peninsula… Starting Tomorrow!

Mary glanced at her companions, who proceeded to show her invitations of their own. Everyone from the WB and Disney families were expected to attend. The higher-ups on both sides of the arrangement wanted their "employees" to be on more friendly terms with each other. And everyone from both of those sides knew why.

"The Yen Sid DIP flood incident, 1989," said Mary with an exasperated groan. "Now our town government is going to ridiculous measures to make sure an attack of that scale won't happen ever again. Now anyone entering Acme Acres has to not have committed any sort of crime at ALL to be able to work he…" Mary stopped in mid-sentence and (rightfully) face-palmed herself. "What am I saying!? These new regulations have actually done some GOOD around here!"

The two dogs sitting right by her feet nodded in agreement. While Mary was lucky not to have been caught up in the incident, Byron Basset and Barky "Marky" were another story entirely.

Barky suddenly stared whimpering. Mary went down onto one knee.

"I know what you're thinking. You lost everything in that flood didn't you?" Barky nodded, softly and sadly.

Byron gave Barky a light lick on the cheek. Barky, with all the energy she could muster from her gelatinous body frame, embraced her faithful boyfriend in a suffocating bear hug that would have put Elmyra to shame in comparison.

Mary smiled at the spectacle, being their master ever since the show had ended; she had seen firsthand how much their relationship had grown.

Mary could tell they wanted to go to the social.

The voice spoke from within the Television. One of the characters here on the roof was actually controlling the broadcast, but only they and the Relay Man downstairs knew who it was: It changed every meeting, to keep things fair. It said, "Who *crackle* is going to this *crackle* so-called party? I am unsure as to whether this *crackle* is a wise notion."

"Well," she called out to the other people on the roof. "Me, Byron and Barky are going."

Everyone jerked up to attention. Mary could now see the entire cast of bit players were in attendance, and most had looks of surprise etched upon their faces (except for Marcia, but she really didn't have much of a visible face).

"Any of you going?"

Some unintelligible mumbling began among the crowd. As their votes were cast, Mary smiled. Perhaps this was a new chance to get back into true comedy rather than news casting.

/

At a different location nearby, a much better location, the usual members of the "stars" sat, contemplating the invitation they had just received. Buster finally broke the silence with, "Well? I guess we need to postpone raising money for Elmyra and Max, as this seems rather required."

Fifi interjected, "In order to accommodate all the toons from WB and Disney, the ship must be huge! There'll be so many things we can do on such a ship of cruising, no?"

All the female toons simultaneously realized the things that you could do on a cruise ship. Each turned to their respective partners, boyfriends, and husbands, and said with one accord, "We're going on that cruise. Pack your bags."

The others shrugged. It was unlikely at best to refuse any request from the female gender, and life-threatening at worst. Best to just go with the flow, enjoy themselves as best they could. Then they realized the opportunities awaiting them on a cruise. They heartily agreed, and all hastily left to prepare for the cruise tomorrow. Hopefully, they could ignore the "mingling" part of the agreement between the execs, and enjoy the "cruising" and "fun" parts of the journey. The Disney toons could go sit in the bilge, for all they cared. Mingling was not on these vacationers' agendas.

/

Meanwhile, at the apartment complex where Vivian resided, yelling emanated from one apartment, about halfway up.

"WHAT? How can those Execs think that they can make us do this? We don't even work for them anymore, except as extras!"

"Max, calm down, calm down!"

"NO! These SOBs think they can just order us around because they have a fancy title and a big mansion!"

"Max, remember why they're doing this? The DIP Flood?"

"Oh yeah."

"They're trying to build friendships so no more 'accidents' occur. This must be the latest effort."

"Fine, but I still think we shouldn't go. They can't order us around anymore."

"I'm sorry, but they really can. They own almost everything in Acme Acres, and what would happen if we earned their displeasure? Everything would close down to us, and we would be worse off than we are right now. We have to go if we have a chance of escaping this place."

"I know, Vivian, but it just burns me so much to just give in!"

"And you think it doesn't burn me? Let's just go, stay in the background. We don't want to risk the consequences, Max. We're already in deep enough."

"I know, Viv," Max relented. "We'll go, but promise me you'll stay unnoticed. Please?"

"Of course Max, anything for you. Now, though, it's time to go back to work for the last day for a while."

"It still bugs me."

"Look on the bright side Max; everything looks like it's going to be free! We won't have to spend a dime on food or rent for a week; that means we can buy my new dryer as soon as we get back."

Max's face brightened. "Oh yeah. That should help with our expenses. And it just might be fun to eat as much as we want and not have to pay."

Vivian laughed. "That's the spirit, Max! Anyway, we need to go notify our bosses that we won't be working for the next week." As they left, she shut the lights off and closed the door.

/

Across the street, the man in black nodded. This would put a wrinkle in his plans, but it was easier to do his work at sea; less evidence when you drop it into the Pacific. Of most concern now was to get his equipment onto this ship, this S.S. Acre Woods, before anyone else arrived.

He smiled as he thought of his invitation. Sent to his nominal address under his real name, it in reality was sent to a plant in Kamchatka where a group of men had photographed it and sent the picture to his laptop. It was good being anonymous, he mused. Very good indeed.

He left quickly. Much preparation was needed this night to execute his plan.

/

Early the next morning, while the sky was just beginning to turn grey and none other than the dockworkers were awake, the _SS Acre Woods _arrived into the harbor. A tremendous ship, the name on the side was a different color than the rest of the cruise ship, indicating the ship had been renamed for just this occasion. A hint of letters peeked out on one side, reading_ asy._ The ship was truly gargantuan, dwarfing the other ships in harbor and even some of the nearby buildings.

As the ship eased into her berth and dockworkers scrambled frantically with machines to tie the thick ropes to the dock, a single man in black, driving a luggage carrier, drove unnoticed through the action. The luggage carrier held only one thing, a large shipping crate.

Furtively, he stole into the cargo entrance near the bottom of the ship, and stole to the bilge. He opened the coded door, beeping quietly in the silence in the vast halls in the underbelly of the ship. Driving the luggage carrier into the bilge, which was actually quite clean for a bilge, he gently lowered the crate to the ground, taking the utmost caution. It hit the deck with barely a thud, and the man drove the luggage carrier out of the bilge, locking the door behind him.

When he returned on foot some minutes later, having replaced the appropriated luggage carrier, he opened the shipping container, whose contents remained shadowed. A short, fleeting chuckle was heard, softly echoing through the cavernous space, before all returned to silence as the Man in Black began setting up his equipment—a good deal of which was certainly illegal in most countries, and a good deal more which would cause even the most brave man to take a step back in horror.

/

As the toons gathered in front of the SS Acre Woods, they congregated to one spot, just left of the spot where that gangway would be placed once the ship was prepared. This group consisted of all those of Looney Tunes fame, decked out in tacky Hawaiian floral print shirts, shades, and large suitcases, that undoubtedly held much more than the eye would surmise. Gathered around them like a flock of birds, all the Tiny Toons stars stood, merrily chatting with each other and their mentors.

However, in another group, father back on the dock, the bit players stood in quiet conversation. They were somewhat more subdued, but their excitement was still visible.

Farther back than all of these, a battered sedan pulled up. As it coughed to a stop and turned off, Vivian and Man emerged. Popping open the trunk, they removed two modest rolling suitcases. As they rolled them behind them, they automatically gravitated towards the group of bit players. On the other side of the ship, they could see a large group of extras gathering, eager to board the magnificent vessel. Far above them, they could see crewman bustling around the open upper decks and walkways, many carrying various objects.

As they met with the group of bits, startled exclamations were uttered from many animaloid throats, and all the nonhuman toons moved 20 feet away, shivering. In the middle, only Mary remained.

Vivian ran up and embraced Mary, the only friend she had besides Max. The only 3 true human cast members, not counting Elmer Fudd and Yosemite Sam, they had quickly formed a bond of friendship on set, though they had not seen each other in years.

"Mary! It's so good to see you! Haw have things been?"

Mary pulled away and smiled. "Great, El, I've been working as an anchorwoman at a local news station for a couple of years now. Haven't you seen me?"

Vivian looked down. "I don't have enough money to own a TV or a cable subscription." She shook off that depressing statement, and before Mary could even comment, asked, "are all the bits here?"

Mary looked away for a moment and called, "hey everyone, don't worry, she's perfectly safe!" Most of the animal bits stayed back, but Bookworm, Barky Marky, and Byron came forward. Emboldened by their courage the others came forward and were soon engaged in their previous conversations, if with a smidge of anxiety and a few apprehensious looks.

Mary turned back to Vivian. "How have you been doing, El?" She noticed Max, standing awkwardly behind them, holding both suitcases. "And Monty! How have you been?"

Vivian said, "Well, I have a job as Assistant Cataloguer at the Acme Acres Library."

Max sighed. "I work at Weenie Burger, as the shift head."

Mary looked oddly at him. "But what about your fortune?"

Max laughed with not a touch of bitterness. "I never really had that fortune, it was all plot for the show. In reality, we're both lower middle class." His attitude did a total 180, and he grinned widely. "But, did you know?'

Mary asked, "Know what?"

Max laughed, this time joyfully. "Me and Viv are going steady now!"

Mary looked around. "Viv?"

Vivian sighed. "Mary, that's my real name. Vivian, Viv, you know."

Mary was taken aback. "Wait, your name's not Elmyra?"

Vivian shook her head. "No, definitely not. That name sounds about as beautiful as a burlap sack full of rabid weasels."

Max came up behind her, embracing her, and Vivian leaned back into him happily.

Mary frowned for a few moments, and then smiled. "Well, that's great news anyway, El….. Vivian. And for you too, Monty!"

Max grinned. "That's not my name either. It's really Maximilian."

Mary looked between them, a hurt expression on her face. "And you never told me this? Even after all those years together?"

Max grimaced. "No, and I'm sorry. It never seemed to come up right."

Mary frowned. "And you didn't trust me enough to confide this to me?"

Max shrugged helplessly. "The time never felt right. We never had an opportunity. And then we broke up and never saw each other."

Mary shook her head. "I understand, but that's just not cool."

As Vivian opened her mouth to apologize, any sound she might have made was drowned out by a deafening horn emanating from the top of the ship.

The two gangways lowered, and as the groups rabidly pressed forwards, eager to be the first onboard, the conversation died as the three humans were swept forwards into the throng.

As they were half pushed to the gangway; each person was met with a human crewman, each wearing white, with a black nametag on their left lapel.

The one at the bottom of the walkway said, "All WB toons are to meet on the top deck immediately after finding your room and dropping your luggage off. The captain will address you there."

The woman at the top of the gangway repeated that statement, adding, "A directory of which rooms are yours will be on your right immediately after entering the inside of the Acre."

As they entered, every toon without an exception, gaped up at the ceiling, for hanging from it was a vast glass chandelier. They could see several floors above and below them, with a large circular hole housing the chandelier in the middle. The bottom two floors, it appeared, were dining rooms, while the top two appeared to house shops.

Vivian and Max, along with perhaps 50 others, looked to their right to see a magnificent map, projected onto a large white screen held on a tripod. On it, the first 2 decks were shown, and as they walked closer to see the names, it switched scenes to floors 3 and 4.

As they waited for their names to show, the group ebbed and flowed as satisfied people left and people seeking for their rooms joined.

Max and Vivian soon saw their names, highlighted in a soft yellow, on floor 8 of 13. To their delight, the rooms were adjacent to each other. Most of the rooms were given to people that they didn't recognize, but to their consternation they realized that the pair of egocentric ducks, Daffy and Plucky, were housed several doors down, along with Shirley across the hall from the two mallards.

Quickly, they rushed to the elevator, hoping to claim their rooms before in inevitable firestorm of complaints began from the pair down the hall, as all knew they would.

Arriving in a plush hallway, complete with large paintings and deep red carpet, they walked down the hall to their rooms. Opening the doors, which held a keypad in the lock slot for them, they saw a beautiful sight,

While these rooms were small, true, they were also decked to the nines with luxuries and benefits. A large television was mounted on each's wall with a fold out bed opposite. Dresser, ornate and spotlessly white, sat at the far end of the room, and a small closet sat to its right.

The floor was carpeted in deep blue carpet within the room, and the small bathroom add-on was tiled with porcelain, small abstract designs swirling on their surfaces.

The showers each held a bewildering array of soaps and shampoos, each with a different name and smell.

As they stood in disbelief for a few moments, before rushing inside to explore their cabins, it was obvious they had never seen, let alone resided in, such luxury.

Soon they rushed out the hallway, glancing into the other's cabin to check that indeed, they were the same.

After this frenzy, they dropped their suitcases within the room carelessly, and quickly locked the doors.

Max and Vivian looked at each other, with wide grins on their face. They burst out in happy laughter.

"Did you see how deep that carpet was?" gasped Max, while Vivian said with equal mirth, "Did you see the size of that television?" The two clasped hands, wanting to dance with joy.

"Oh Max, this is perfect! We'll get to live like kings for a week!"

But their joy was cut down like wheat before a thresher when loud yelling erupted from down the hall. "You call this a room? My closet is better than this!"

"What kind of tacky color scheme is this? My grandmother could do better, and she's blind!"

Max put his hand to his forehead. "I'm already getting a headache. Let's head to the upper deck."

Vivian hastily agreed, and they walked down the hall swiftly. However, both busted out in laughter as they entered the elevator, for audible was the familiar noise of physic lighting singing feathers, followed by a pained yelp. Yelps, actually.

/

As they entered onto the top deck, there was happy conversation, but in one corner was an obviously strained one.

"Bugs, great to see you! How you been! We haven't seen each other since Roger!" The high-pitched voice in question belonged to Mickey Mouse, Disney's poster boy.

Bugs Bunny, with a forced smile, grasped his hand carefully. "Ah, nice to see you Mr. Mickey. Now let's listen to the captain's speech, eh, doc?"

Mickey laughed, an incredibly annoying sound that grated on all the toons ears. "Sure, old pal!"

Bugs muttered softly through clenched teeth, "Don't call me old pal, doc."

"What was that?"

Bugs said hastily, "Nothin', just thinkin' to myself." He turned towards the small balcony level above them, ending the conversation.

Standing above them on the balcony were three individuals: A tall, bearded man straight out of a pirate movie, a rather large, yellow bear wearing a red shirt, and a small pink thing. For the life of them, none of the WB Toons could figure out what it was, but it looked like a cross between an armadillo and a pig.

The bearded man stepped forwards. "Welcome to the Car…. I mean the Acre Woods. My name is Captain Robin, and I have been the captain of this ship since it was built in 1990. There is much to enjoy aboard the Acre, and I'm sure everyone will find something to their enjoyment. I'd like to introduce the next two members of my crew: Mr. Pooh and Mr. Piglet. Mr. Pooh?"

The fat yellow bear stepped forwards. "My name is Winnie the…" He trailed off with a vacant look for a few moments, then resumed with a jerk. "Pooh! I am the Etecutive…. Executive Officer for this trip."

The WB toons stared in confusion, while the Disney toons either rolled their eyes or ignored his particular quirks.

"Thank you, Mr. Pooh. And now, Mr. Piglet."

The armadillo-pig, revealed to be a very bad vision of a pig, stepped forwards. He spoke, a high-pitched voice that nonetheless belied confidence. "My name is Piglet. I'm the Director of Activities on board the Acre Woods. That means I'm in charge of what happens for scheduled activities." He winked. "I'm not the one you want on your bad side."

Everyone half-laughed, the kind where you felt it polite to laugh even though it wasn't a funny joke.

The captain stepped forwards again. "That will be all, so unpack in your rooms and then enjoy the first day on board the Acre! Lunch will be from 11-2 at any restaurant, and dinner is from 6-9 at the main restaurant on the lower two floors of the Lobby."

As everyone dispersed, they talked about this boats' odd crew. The man would only need an eyepatch to be a pirate, with his full beard and certain accent.

The others, however, were odd. The bear seemed… off, almost as if he was perpetually somewhere else, and the pig thing was incredibly tiny. He also sounded almost as bad as Mickey, helium voice included.

All anyone knew however, was that this was a cruise ship after all, and no matter how repulsive the company or how odd the crew, they would have a great time. As the deck emptied, one man stood alone. Dressed in a black T-shirt, shortsleeved, and jeans, he looked like any other WB extra. However, this man wore an evil smirk, even though there was no one to direct it at and no one present to see it. If they had however, they would have quickly shuddered and walked quickly to the nearest flight of stairs or elevator. The man stood for a few moments, alone on the deck, before turning and walking towards the back to the ship, disappearing within the rearmost elevators.


	4. Looming Danger

The vibrant yet headache inducing styles that Erin's proudly displayed in its windows was more than enough for any of the younger shopping crazy toon girls, star or extra, to go absolutely nuts over. The older girls had to admit that they too, found the new young teen fashions a lot more fab then the adult norm.

"Very fab indeed," said Shirley to the three other toons looking in the shop windows. Her valley girl accent had gone the way of the dinosaurs and, to be frank, she couldn't be happier. "Look at all OUR clothes. Don't you find them dull?"

"Dull?" said Mary in a sarcastic monotone. "You're talking about the company that got in trouble for offering woman's underwear to kids! All this is is the most underlying fashions statement we're EVER going to make!"

"_Tell me about it,"_ The handwriting on the sign Barkey had conjured up was not done by someone with a steady hand. _"All those dog clothes? I hate then all!"_

"Barkey, you're just gonna have to get used to it" said Mary matter-of-factly, as she often did being the more mature (she hated the word sane being used on her) of the cast. "Oh, and nice sign language practice there,"

_"Thanks,"_ Barkey's face was now fixed into her trademark grin. "_I'll be just as good at it as Calamity one day, just you wait!"_

"Oh, good luck to you, then," said Mary as she rolled her eyes. Sign Language was rather uncommon to the extent that Calamity had it. Most toons would have trouble making their signs legible, as Barkey had demonstrated, so Calamity was a great role model in that regard.

Marcia then spoke up. "So, what's the plan for lunch, daddy-os? I much prefer an old fashioned Weenie Burger then anything else."

"Yeth, me too."

"So do we."

And with that, the gang was off, with a rather renewed sense of friendship, expect for Mary, who was thinking of her encounter with Vivian and Krueger before they had bored the boat. More to the point, she had one nagging question she never got to ask them.

Why were they avoiding their fellow stars?

Vivian and Max were nowhere to be seen, and in fact, Mary hadn't seen them since the informational meeting up on the top deck.

But even as she mused, a shot echoed through the promenade. Mary stiffened. She was a newscaster; she knew the sound of gunshots from many stories covering chases and standoffs.

The others continued for a few seconds before the sound clicked in their brains. Then there was a few seconds of stunned silence. Then the panic began, and Mary was quickly swept away by the crowd.

Rhoda Queen was bored. Well, actually, she did have her smokes, and she was smoking in a non-smoking area, which she loved, right now, however, she would have been better off taunting someone or having a private room with her lover Vinnie the Deer, but both of them were nowhere to be found. And right now she was having a real nagging feeling that; somehow something real bad was going to happen. She then decided to hope that nothing WOULD happen and just enjoy luxury like she intended, while ruining it for all the others. What could possibly go wrong on a cruise liner, anyways? She chuckled and continued to smoke.

After a relaxing and thoroughly delicious lunch, Vivian and Max decided to take a stroll through the promenade, a wide area full of shops which sold souvenirs, food, and those items which a hasty packer might have forgotten. There was even a small convenience store in one corner.

Though their wallets were light, their spirits were lighter. This was the most enjoyable experience they had had for many months. The accommodations were oozing luxury. And best of all, it was free! They would end up actually saving money on this trip, seeing as how the food was free, and they weren't using water or electricity at their homes, so lower bills.

Most of the toons rushing by they recognized. Most were the extras, who showed up in so many episodes that their faces became about as common as crickets at night in the summer. You just forgot about them and they faded into the background. Frankly, it wasn't the most fulfilling of jobs. And they knew that only too well.

However, as they neared the middle of the avenue, complete with building facades so that it looked like a small city, Max was tapped on the shoulder. As he turned, he looked up into the intimidating face of Captain Robin.

Subtly, he tugged on Vivian's hand to stop her, and asked politely, "Captain, what can we do for you?"

The man in black smiled, as he perched upon the top of one of the building facades, holding his most prized gun. A customized DSR-Precision GmbH DSR-1, this gun was accurate at distances of just under a mile, but that wouldn't be needed now. The range was laughably short, but what he needed was the power.

As he took aim, he breathed out and slowly squeezed the trigger.

As Vivian turned and saw the Captain, Max asked, "Captain, what can we do for you?"

The Captain smiled. "Just a small favor. Could you come meet with me after dinner, next to the pool?"

"Of course, captain! It'll be great."

"Thank you, Max, Vivian."

As Vivian smiled, the glint of something shiny caught her eye, and she quickly stooped down to see a dollar coin. Just as she did, a deafening crack rang out and the captain stumbled.

She snapped upright, and saw the captain fall to the ground, bleeding.

"Oh my gosh! Are you alright?"

There was a wound on his thigh, which was bleeding profusely. Within seconds, a team of nurses from the sickbay carried the groaning Captain off.

"You two, come with me. We'll need to talk to you."

As two glowering security officers escorted them to the sickbay, Vivian stared ahead, slack jawed with shock, and her expression was mirrored by Max.

"What just happened?"

As they left, the crowd finally broke out into panic and screaming, and in the furor no one noticed a single man in black slip away from the top of the facades.

The man in black cursed. Foiled by something so unlucky as a coin on the ground. Now there wasn't a chance of him accomplishing his mission today, or tomorrow for that matter. It also complicated things with security. Before, they had been passive, if alert. Now they were on the hunt.

He hissed. He hated luck, it always had the tendency to go running in and ruin everything as per Murphy. He would have to skulk until tomorrow. So he slipped away, discreetly disassembling his weapon.

"So, what happened out there, Miss Vin?" The head security officer onboard the Acre Woods turned on his recorder, as well as taking out a notepad.

"I'm afraid I really don't know. We were walking through the promenade when the Captain asked to talk to us. He asked if we could meet after dinner, by the pool, and we agreed."

Max jumped in. "Then Viv bent over to pick up a coin, there was a loud bang—probably a gunshot, now that I think about it—and Captain Robin was on the ground. Then you hustled us away."

The officer looked back and forth. "Anything else?"

Both Vivian and Max shook their heads. "No, Officer. That's it."

He sighed, and turned the recorder off. "Well, we have a possible assassination attempt. I'm going to have to ask you to stay here for the rest of the day as potential witnesses while we round up all the other witnesses."

"But…. Our rooms!" protested Max.

"I'm sorry, but it's just too dangerous."

As he left the room, both Max and Vivian stared at the door. What had looked to be an enjoyable cruise was turning out to be much more dangerous and uncomfortable than home.

It had been many hours, and both of the room's occupants had long since fallen asleep. They woke, startled, to a knock on the door.

"Hello? You awake?"

One of the security officers entered, with a Glock at his hip. "Your rooms have been secured, so now you can return."

Gratefully, they both stood and stretched, working out the kinks from their uncomfortable rest. "Thank you, Officer."

As they looked around their rooms, everything looked the same. They knew, however, everything had been gone over with a fine-toothed comb. It didn't feel the same. The sense of magic and joy had vanished in a single moment.

They slowly changed into nightclothes, slipped into bed, and watched out the porthole as land, and the sun, slipped out of sight. It had been a long and confusing day, and everything had changed. This was no longer a cruise; now there was an assassin on board, and they were witnesses. Now they were targets; a thought which unnerved the two greatly. Neither slept much that night as dreams of a shadowy figure haunted their mind.


End file.
